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Movie Review: Civil War

I don’t say this lightly but Civil War, released just last month and already “available” for viewers like me, might be one of the dumbest movies ever made. Setting aside the “plot”, which basically comes down to “four war journalists travel to D.C. where journalists are shot on sight to interview the President in the middle of a siege” and the notion that Texas and California have apparently joined forces to overthrow the government. Also don’t worry about the utter lack of any backstory or character development. What caused the civil war and the unlikely pairing of TX and CA? Don’t know. Why are they so eager to depose and summarily execute the President? Don’t know. What is the point of the film? Don’t know.

The real problem is this is a film that doesn’t have any sort of purpose.

I guess to show how divided we are but nothing in the film made me think: “Gee, can’t we all just get along?”. If it was supposed to be a gritty look at the world of war correspondents, well it did a shit job of it. By the end I was hoping all of them would get capped, even the cute girl (Cailee Spaeny) who seems to have unlimited film and for some reason in 2024 is still using a camera with actual film that needs to be developed in a war zone instead of a digital camera. Speaking of a war zone, while society has broken down no one bothers posting a watch at night and the only fit guy in the crew drinks himself stone drunk on a regular basis. I guess people are still law abiding and polite, that seems reasonable.

At every possible turn, something inexplicable is happening.

Why are the main characters wearing Kevlar and helmets in one scene but then never seem to wear them again even in the middle of the climactic firefight in D.C.?

Why do soldiers and I guess militia fighters (they are wearing Hawaiian shirts, get it?) just casually ignore random photographers taking close-up pictures of their comrades dying?

Why are some trees on fire in a forest but not the trees next to them? Have they ever seen a forest fire? Who set it and why?

It made for a pretty visual but it also made absolutely no sense whatsoever. It’s a deserted backroad but the fire isn’t spreading?

Why do they pick up some Humvees with choppers to fly them 100 miles away while the rest of the forces are driving? It looks cool I guess.

Why do they have such a hard time finding gas in one scene but then travel hundreds of miles in a damn Ford Excursion that gets about 2 miles to the gallon in a war zone without any issues at all? Also why does the Excursion look brand new on the inside? For that matter most of the armored vehicles look brand new as do the rifles people are carrying, like they came right out of the box before filming.

Why, in a nation in the midst of a civil war where one assumes that the combined forces of Texas and California have marched across the U.S. to finally besiege Washington D.C., apparently is it so super easy to find cigarettes and bottles of booze? There is scene after scene of driving through deserted cities but smokes and cigs are still available at 7-11. Maybe they filled the back of the Excursion up with cases of smokes and booze. Sure they are sleeping back of the Excursion in some scenes, it sure looks empty, and they don’t have a tent or anything but whatever.

Why does Kirsten Dunst look like she desperately needs a toilet the entire movie? She has come a long way since playing a fresh faced 17 year old cheerleader in Bring It On. She is only around 42 but she looks 60 in the film. I guess she is supposed to look gritty but she looks awful.

Why would you cast Nick Offerman, aka Ron Swanson, as the President and then barely use him?

At no point in the film do you really know why anyone is there or what they are doing.

I give the producers and director some credit for not turning into an overt Orange Man Bad film, although they clearly chose Charlottesville as the staging area because of the Unite The Right rally.

It could have been an interesting film with less endless visuals and more world building. The idea of a country that is at war where some thing seem to be working normally but the power goes out at random at fancy hotels and uploading photos still happens but takes all night like it is the late 90s has all sorts of promise. Alas it was not to be.

Ultimately it isn’t even worth watching for free, that was almost two hours of my life that I will never get back to watch a meandering, pointless film.


  1. Ohio Copperhead

    Let’s home this isn’t in the vein of all those pandemic films that came out a few years before the COVID crap!

  2. Jeffrey Zoar

    It was supposed to be a paean to our intrepid fearless truth telling “journalists,” but the problem is the people who came up with it have the same self importance and inverted morality as the “journalists,” and are thus unable to make them likeable or relatable to normal people, kind of like in real life.

    • North

      The problem with this thesis is the movie is about the failure of journalism to prevent the conflict and this is the undeniably central theme that is causing distress to the heroine. It can’t be in any way intended to lionize journalists as they are explicitly shown as failures and inconsequential.

    • Arthur Sido

      Every journalist has delusions of grandeur like they are the bulwark protecting “democracy” when in fact most of them are terrible people doing the precise opposite.

  3. Max Wiley

    This is what passes for storytelling in the age of DEI Hollywood writing. Competency flees any system not based on merit.

  4. North

    The movie is about an internal civil war that occurs when a senior overseas war photographer is confronted with a young protege during a 2nd American Civil War that has exposed the truth that her career is a failure as her goal of preventing conflict at home by exposing it overseas was a failure.

    It can’t be a love letter to journalists as it is central to the story that they have failed to prevent the war

    A movie with a photography theme will have some pretty images. This is not novel.

    The movie has a well written script, watch for the dialogue and scenes that involve capturing a death then evolve to being near a death, being almost killed then photo if someone you know dying.

    This movie is well written with an explicit theme, it’s just not the movie you wanted nor the movie you wanted to hate and it prevents you from seeing the movie it is.

  5. Anon

    There is a TV movie, The Second Civil War from 1997. It actually acknowledges all the swarms of ‘migrants’. It does have some of the usual tired tropes but it at least addresses why such a conflict may happen. The movie is the last few days before it rather than the year(s) of fighting.
    Full movie is/was on YouTube for free

  6. Warren Shafer

    It sounds like I would be wasting good popcorn on this movie, Just spare me, I’ll pass.
    Allot of people seem to think that a 2nd Civil War will similar to 1861-1865. No way!. It more like the breakup of the former Yugoslavia in 1990’s or Spain 1936-1939, or the recent Civil War in Syria.

    • Arthur Sido

      Those are closer, along with the Northern Irish Troubles, but the racial mix in America plus half a billion privately owned firearms will make it unlike anything we have seen before.

  7. Bobsuruncle

    I heard a rumor there were weird sounds and frequencies that were in the sound track that were making viewers irritated. Any truth to that?

    Watching Dune 2, it totally sucks, its all muzzie, porch sitters, non-white types except for the main characters. I dont recommend it, but Ive started watching it and like a bad, hot meal, Im gonna finish it.

    • Arthur Sido

      The sound track is very weird, it goes completely silent at times and other times it is jarring, I read something that they did it on purpose.

      I watched Dune 2 again in parts the other day, there was a good movie in there that was lost in the DEI casting decisions especially bitch faced Zendaya.

  8. Mike_C

    >the cute girl (Cailee Spaeny) who seems to have unlimited film and for some reason in 2024 is still using a camera with actual film that needs to be developed

    Like, you just don’t get it, man. Analog is authentic, and journalism is all about authenticity. Analog can’t be manipulated, you dig? It shows the TRUTH! (Selective cropping, dodging, burning, masking, those things don’t exist. Man.)

    But is cute chick shooting a rangefinder (extra authentic), an SLR, or some Weegee-style monstrosity? If a rangefinder, is it more authentic to shoot German (Leica, Contax), or Japanese (Nikon, Canon)? Or should she be shooting a KNEB to show her solidarity with the former Soviet masses?

    • Arthur Sido

      I don’t know much about photography but on the other hand that girl didn’t either, she was picked because she was a young, fresh faced contrast to haggard looking Kirsten Dunst

  9. Bean Dip Tray

    Maybe a tribe circle jerk like Inglorious Basterds?
    The C Dub Redux is going to rock and it’s going to be seven dimensional!
    The globalists and internal traitors will pump in the Hessians who will have no qualms about killing a Kwannie of the Kwanstain.
    Identify all local traitors and collaborators now.
    We might even be rid of the Yankee Puritan corksucker question once and for all!
    Have no love for steaming fourth world turd AINO and that America you loved is legacy vintage, gone and never coming back.

      • Anon

        Sounds exactly like Inglorious Bastards.
        Hollywood loves that; it’s pornographic how they revel in killing Germans graphically.
        Never watched and won’t watch this either.

  10. Gryphon

    Not having seen it (and no intention of seeing it) I suspect that this is just another virtue-signalling thing by (((leftists))) who don’t know ANYTHING about the subject they are trying to portray. It’s like those pictures the (wannabe, not the Hired ones) ‘antifa’ post, showing a bunch of weird, obese, trannyfag… creatures, holding Guns and dong their best to look ‘Threatening’.

    If Anything, this is one more example of the (((left))) trying to ‘Normalize’ the Idea of an (un)Civil War to the normies, as if this will let them Blame any (defensive) Violence by anyone not on their Payroll as being an ‘Insurrection’ by “MAGA” and “The Right”.


      It was the storming of DC with the orders of the Western Forces to kill all alphabets and administration that floated my boat.

      My fav scene was the breaching of the White House press secretary briefing room. There was a sheboon making demands of safe passage for POTUS. The WF did not even bother to verbally reply, just a $0.52 solution.

      You can connect the dots on the left vs right. The final 15 minutes of the DC assault is fun to watch.

      Sounds and music score is all over the place. The scene where the sacred cow journalists are going through the forest fire is a really cool with a song from Sturgill Simpson called Breakers Roar.

      The opening scene is a riot followed by a female (White) suicide bomber with the song Lovefingers by Silver Apples. That shite is from the early 70s. It sounded like it was contemporary and definitely had weird sounds, but had an infectious vibe to it.

      The fire fight scene with the good lads in Hawaiian shirts and tactical gear was fun, too. My review is, it was relatively neutral on the political side. Other than that journalists are supposed be to be the good guys (hahahaha).

      What I got out of it was just watching chaos. But man, watching rebel forces taking DC was big fun. Cheers to my old bud Pig Walrus!

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