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We Wuz Lord Voldemort And Sheeeiit!

A man is accused of attempting to rob a Shell convenience store next door to Elvis Presley’s Graceland by using a five-foot snake.

Reginald Cook, 26, is charged with two counts of attempted aggravated robbery.

Police said Cook attempted to rob the Shell on Elvis Presley Boulevard three times early Tuesday morning…..

….It’s unclear where the snake came from and what happened to the animal.

He Who Must Not Be Named, aka Reggie Cook. Avada Kedavra mother fucker!

Someone get David Hogg on the horn, America needs common sense serpent laws.



    Hahahahahahahaha! I’m still peeing myself after the story, the author’s sarcastic response and the AI image.

    Reginald and his python are must-do’s along with Graceland and Beale (‘scuze me suh, you gotta dolluh?) Skreet.

  2. Bean Dip Tray

    Elvis liked a chocolate taco now and then but this is poop emoji.
    I love that Monster’s Ball movie where B B Thornton gets after Halle Berry and Peter Boyle as Pappy says…I used to love that jogger juice when I was young as she is leaving.
    Something you’ll never see out of republicant cucks is a fight to the death for the fading fourth world turd banana republic.
    Will they remove comrade Johnson (Israel) just for the kabuki popcorn value?
    Breaking-Trump comrade jurors in NYC (CCP/CPUSA) farted and walked outside for a smoke break.

  3. saoirse

    Don’t laugh. When the Harry Potter remakes come around the protagonists, hell, most of the cast, will all be shitskins (except Voldemort and the other villains of course).
    I heard that old shitlib Rowling has fallen from grace and is now fair game.

      • Arete

        Agreed. I’m sure it was a bit of a shock for her to discover how quickly the adoration fades when you step out of line. Her money insulates her from the hate, to a degree, so she has less to lose than an ordinary person, but at least she hasn’t backed away from the fight.

        I lost a lot of respect for her when she retroactively declared the character Dumbledore to have been gay, well after the series was over and with no indication of that having been the case in the books. It was a cowardly and dishonest thing to do, and would have been the same if the retroactive revelation had been about something else besides his sexuality.

        But, as you say, she has not backed down, which now that possible criminal penalties are involved, is admirable.

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