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Criminals On The Far Left Side Of The IQ Bell Curve

A couple of scholar-Americans decided to kidnap the manager of a Dunhams sporting goods store in Benton Harbor, Michigan (83% black), made him go with them back to the closed store, had him let them in and then stole more than 120 firearms that they hauled out of the store in two blue Yeti coolers (always keep your guns chilled).

Criminal masterminds that they are, they are on camera opening up their SUV with the guns still in the blue coolers and carried them into their apartment.

The cops arrested two men and recovered all but one of the guns

Two southwest Michigan brothers are facing federal charges for how they acquired two large blue Yeti coolers last Friday. 

Inside those coolers, federal investigators found more than 120 stolen firearms. And investigators believe the men kidnapped the store manager at his home and held a gun to his head to get the security code.

According to a criminal complaint filed Monday in the Western District of Michigan, Darnell Bishop and Dontrell Nance are both facing Hobbs Act Robbery, Brandishing a Firearm During and in Relation to a Crime of Violence, Theft of Firearms from a Federally Licensee and Knowingly possessing stolen firearms. 

Here dey be…

How did the police know that it was Darnell and Dontrell? That is the WTF part, even for low IQ, no impulse control scholars this is baffling…

During the kidnapping, the manager told investigators one of the suspects tried to use CashApp to send themselves money from the manager’s debit card. 

That transaction is how investigators linked the suspects to the crime. 

Through bank records, federal authorities found the name “Dontrell Nanc,” and the account’s photo matched Dontrell Nance. 

Take it away Drinker….

120 handguns for $500 a piece on the street is $60,000. That is a pretty nice haul, plus a several hundred dollars worth of Yeti coolers (those things are pricey). But that wasn’t good enough, nope these dumbshits decided to try to steal a little more from a Dunhams manager who probably doesn’t have all that much money anyway and it sounds like they didn’t even get the money. They did however leave an electronic trail to follow right to where these idiots had the stolen guns apparently still in the car from their caper the night before.

To cap it off…

Nance also told investigators he put his cellphone in a sock and held that against the blindfolded manger’s head, implying it was a gun. 

Ah the old “cellphone in a sock fake gun” trick! That gets them every time!

What is sad is that despite the title of the post, these two are probably smack dab in the middle of the IQ range for Basketball-Americans. Sadder still, they will probably get out of jail in time to commit more crimes in ten years or less.


  1. Xzebek

    In order to be a successful criminal, one needs to be slightly smarter than the smartest cop pursuing you. That is why we don’t see many successful chimp criminals. They are generally dumber (barely functional retards) than the dumbest cop pursuing them. That is a societal plus, or would be if we actually locked up these wastes of DNA for a substantial period of time

  2. TakeAHardLook

    Thanks for the post. We don’t often get to appreciate the superior intellects (“We wuz kangs ‘n’ sheet.”) of The Dark Race!

    Brothers, you say? I see no particular likeness–yet, their blowholes DO seem simi-lar.

    Geniuses. Why The Dark Race is not running the world is one of The Great Mysteries of our time.

  3. Jeffrey Zoar

    If they didn’t catch them via the money transfer, they could have used cell phone data. Since at least one of them had his with him.

  4. Moe Gibbs

    Is it just me, or do the mugs of these two geniuses look a bit like the hapless losers (Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern) from Home Alone, the colorized version? Darnell and Dontrell even sound like a comedy duo (or maybe synthetic fabrics, known in the state of California to cause cancer). Amos ‘n Andy, 2023 reboot.

    I don’t suppose there is any point in asking why these “brothers” have different surnames. Twin sons of different (absent) fathers, undoubtedly. So wretchedly predictable.

  5. Steve

    Baby momma in the hospital asks for a phone directory. They bring her one, and she starts thumbing through it looking for names. A helpful nurse says they have a whole book of baby names if she would like to look at it.

    “Dat be no gud. I already know dey first names.”

  6. Levi Garrett

    Growing up in Northern Indiana, we often referred to Benton Harbor as “Benton Harlem”, due to the demographic makeup of the town.

  7. Zorost

    It is pretty amazing how they planned this caper. Kidnapping at home and taking to the store showed a level of enterprise and forethought usually absent from such scholar-Americans.

  8. TakeAHardLook

    Why we expect forethought—the conceptualization of possible consequences to one’s actions–from low-tech farm equipment, is beyond my limited ability to grasp.
    What I do know–for over 50 years now–is that we should’ve picked our own goddamned cotton!

    [Abraham Lincoln knew this all those years ago; his (sadly interrupted) plans included repatriating the freed slaves to Liberia and other similar nations. Lincoln knew even then that the races were immiscible].

    Diversity + Proximity = War.

    • Scot Irish

      I don’t share your opinion about Lincoln. He may have or may have not repatriated negroes.
      He set many precedents that the government abuses to this day. Example: suspending habeas corpus.

  9. MN Steel

    Q. What is the longeat bridge in the world?

    A. The Mackinac Bridge, it connects Finland and Africa.

    Seriously, you can drive nearly due south from Paradise to Hell.

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