Sunday, September 4, 2022

One Yawn To Rule Them All

Finally got around to watching the first installment of the Amazon "Lord Of The Rings" prequel series, The Rings Of Power (RoP). Even though I have Amazon Prime for shipping reasons and could watch it for free via my Amazon account, I downloaded the episode because I refuse to give Amazon the click on this farce. 

The lead up chatter about RoP has been almost universally negative based on the awful trailers. As someone who read The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings as a youngster and who generally loved, and often rewatch, the Peter Jackson film adaptation of LotR (but not the atrocious Hobbit trilogy), the world of Middle Earth is an important part of my literary foundation.

Needless to say I went into this new adaptation, and calling it an adaptation is being awfully generous, expecting to hate it and be offended but mostly I was bored.

They tried to cram an entire epoch of backstory into an overly long narration at the beginning. It didn't do much to clarify the setting. Then they launched into one of the clumsiest plots I have ever had the misfortune of sitting through. Most of what happened on screen made me ask "Why the hell would you do that?". The infamous Galadriel ice climbing scene was so cringe-inducing it was hard to watch as she clambers up sheer ice face. Of course Galadiel outpaces the stupid White guy elves who use actual ice axes while she uses a dagger. 


It gets worse as the elves end up at an abandoned fortress where of course the White guy elves all act like idiots and whine about going home before they are attacked by a troll. If you have watched Lord Of The Rings, Legolas is a nimble, agile warrior, running up the cave troll like a cat. These elves? They mostly stood around flat footed like they had never fought before. Until Galadriel single-handedly carves up the troll. 

Of course. 

The Harfoots, a proto-hobbit? The black Harfoot is the wise one seeing the portents in the sky while the chubby girl Harfoot is adventurous and curious.

The randomly black elf? He is in a love with, not kidding, a single White mother of a mixed race child. She needed to be about 200 pounds heavier and have a few tats to make it more realistic. The townies are of course White and include the obligatory racist town redneck.

Back to the elves. Elrond is portrayed as a faggy politician and the High King, Gil-galad, decides to ship Galadriel back across the sea because she is a threat to him or something equally stupid. He must be threatened by her powerful, fierce feminism. They introduce Lord Celebrimbor who is involved in the forging of the Rings of Power and he is portrayed as a little sinister. 

Near the end of the episode as Galadriel and other elves are travelling back across the sea, they apparently decided to stand on the deck of a ship wearing armor because that is smart on a open vessel crossing a sea.


I frequently spend long journeys at sea standing stock-still, holding a sword for no reason whatsoever and wearing armor that would drag me to the bottom if I fell overboard. As they approached the end of their journey some creepy chicks in the back dressed like nuns undressed them and it was as awkward as it sounds. I looked over to my wife and said "Watch she is going to jump overboard and swim back". 

Sure enough....

The show makes the distance between Valinor and Middle Earth seem vast, like at least Atlantic Ocean vast, but as the first episode ends Galadriel is in the water. No food, no raft, no water. Not a great plan, in a year or so when she manages to swim back I am sure she will be fine. 

Downloaded the second episode out of morbid curiosity. Still waiting to see the powerful fierce black wahmen dwarf with hoop earrings, maybe we get to see her in the next episode. I might watch the second one tonight yet if I feel the need to suffer.

The biggest takeaway from RoP is how uninteresting and boring it was. I expected flashy, loud and dumb but just got dumb and boring. The only time I was interested was when something especially dumb was happening but most of the hour was just just mind-numbingly boring. I have little hope it will be better but on the bright side it makes the Game of Thrones prequel House of the Dragon seem fairly well made in comparison.

8 comments:

  1. "The randomly black elf?"

    I think they were trying to evoke 'Twilight' or similar chick show. Almost every time he talks to her he is behind or off to the side, whispering into her shoulder. While she stands there acting as if her vag is flowing like niagara.

    " a single White mother of a mixed race child... The townies are of course White"

    This is the problem I have with race in this show, it's not at all realistic. I could understand having a black tribe, but it makes no sense to have these mixed tribes as ethnogenesis would have occurred within a few generations of living together. Yet somehow the hobbits have pure blood pajeets who struggle with a 'ampshire accent through their pajeet accent, pure blood darkies, and all in a tribe that lives like hunter-gatherer gypsies.

    " ship Galadriel back across the sea"

    As a pure blood nerd, this part pissed me off the most. Galadriel shouldn't be able to get back to Valinor at this point due to her part in the rebellion against the Valar, as well as being a part of the group responsible for the Kinslaying at Alqualondë. She wasn't present at this first example of elf killing elf, but simply being a member of the group was enough to get her exiled from the West. It was only when she redeemed herself by passing up the One Ring when offered by Frodo that she was able to return. Hence her speech afterwards about diminishing and returning to the West.

    I thought the acting was pretty meh for the money they were paying. Gotta launder that CIA opium money somehow I guess.

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  2. In the words of South Park: “I hate it when pornos try to have a story”

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  3. There is no talent that Hollyweird will hire that can do anything except make sequels that replace the main characters with negroes, strong women, or fags, regardless of how ridiculous it is. This is what is sold as art, even though it is merely propaganda. You will be seeing more of this, just with trannies and "differently abled" characters.

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  4. Another most obvious attempt by Jewllywood and their own woke little elves trying to pervert European (and American) literature and it's cinematic adaptations.
    I have adamantly refused (for the last two decades +) to watch films of any type that feature nigs, latrinos, fags, kikes, cucks, wiggers and super-bitches! Their mere presence ruins even the best of plots not to mention the overall atmosphere.
    Needless to say, I don't watch much screen and am very happy using that wasted time doing other more practical things - like preparing for the time when the bread-and-circus tent finally comes down.

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    1. Forgot to change from Anonymous above.

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  5. Watching this was as bad as watching any commercial today: 🏃🏿‍♂️🏃🏿‍♂️🏃🏿‍♂️
    But in summary: the dwarves are Scottish with black people, the hobbits are Irish pikeys with black people, men are low class English with black people, and the elves are high class English…with black people. Got it. But it looks like the orcs and Morgoth are still democrats.

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  6. If this show had been done without the forced diversity and over emphasis on strong feminine leads and the writers had stuck more closely to a standard Tolkien script with their innovations (Tolkien lacked neither of these but was more nuanced with it) this could have been a great show. It isn’t as campy gay as the LOTR, and the orcs are not as much “make me laugh” scary as Jackson’s orcs.

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  7. I'm not going to give 'em a click. But it's hilarious that they're hiding the reviews.

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