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Assault With A Deadly Condiment!

From the “This Is How Any Normal Adult Would React” files:

Of course she shot him, she was in mortal danger!

No, seriously that is the argument made by the aunt of Shateasha Hicks…
Hicks’ aunt claimed her niece was defending herself.

“She was protecting herself. I don’t blame her. Everybody else might, but I don’t,” she told Local10.
She was protecting herself? According to the story, after he assaulted her with mayonnaise, a recognized war crime under the Geneva Conventions, he drove away from the drive-thru window and parked…
A relative of Hicks told NBC 6 that the customer she shot had squirted or thrown mayonnaise in her face.

The customer drove off and parked in the Burger King lot, according to a witness.

Hicks then allegedly went to her car, grabbed a gun and squeezed off five shots at the person’s vehicle as they drove away, according to an arrest report obtained by the outlet.
So she went out to her car after he pulled away, got her gun and shot at his car five times.
I guess that counts as just protecting yourself. Then she fled and left the gun in her car where the police found it. Criminal mastermind indeed.
Regardless, this seems like a reasonable response. Who wouldn’t get into an altercation with a customer in the drive-thru and then shoot at them because of Assault With A Deadly Condiment? 


  1. Anonymous

    Surely her court-appointed mouthpiece will drag out the PTSD defense, alleging that the young lady was triggered by the cruel mayo-naising which brought back inherited memories of Jim Crow era oppression. From pre-Subway times when blacks were forced to make sammiches for White peepo while hog-tied in chattel chains.

    Bitch oughta feel lucky it wasn't hot sauce.

  2. Anonymous

    She's black, has a VJ and is dumber than a sack of hammers with poor impulse control. She has s bright future in the biden administration.


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